Photo by: annalynchia

“It has bothered me all my life that I do not paint like everybody else.”
- Henri Matisse

(Matisse is commonly regarded, along with Picasso and Marcel Duchamp, as one of the artists responsible for significant developments in painting and sculpture. He became a leading figure in modern art).

Every person is unique in his own way. Others, or we, might see this uniqueness as weird, different, awkward or special. Some of us might feel different from our siblings, our parents, our peers because we don’t see the world the same way they do, because they have a different point of view, act differently or don’t look like us. Sometimes, we simply feel like we just don’t fit in.

When these feelings arise, wishing away that particular aspect of ourselves that makes us different becomes a hope. And on the quest to finding ourselves, finding our way and making a place for ourselves in the world, trying to hide this special part of us in order to fit in or seem “normal” becomes an option. And seeing someone succeed in an area we would like to see similar success for ourselves might motivate us to try to model his or her behavior. I have done this and found some success, but I came to realize that even if I’m doing the same thing as the next person, ultimately, I have to put my own special touch in the things that I do, I have to do things in a way that reflects who I really am. And it’s in incorporating the essence of me into my work that I found the most success and set myself apart from others.

The thing about us that we regard as an issue, when used to serve us, might be the thing that separates us from the crowd, and being separated from that crowd is when we thrive. Whether we feel that our uniqueness is a blessing or a curse really depends on our own perspectives. We are all given a unique characteristic, and it’s my belief that it’s given to us to assist us in creating to our highest potential. So what if we chose to see it as one of the best parts of us? What if it made you invaluable to your family, your friends or an asset to your company? What if your awkwardness was the reason you were able to leave a real mark on the world and your weirdness was the reason you were able to help millions of people, the reason you were able to open your own business and really see it thrive, get to the highest level in your personal field of work? What if the thing that you did differently from everyone else was what could really help you reach higher than you could ever imagine and live your wildest dream? Even a painter like Matisse found things within himself that was different from his peers. But it’s that very thing that contributed to him being the great master he is seen as today.

The unwanted characteristic we carry might bother us in some way, we might see it as a handicap, but we can learn to see it as an asset, but either way, we must learn to accept ourselves and embrace our uniqueness, weirdness, awkwardness or difference. We must learn to use it and incorporate it into our work and our lives in a way that can serve us and allow it to be a tool to get us to our highest level. Because like it or not, this thing that makes you different is a part of you, and it’s in accepting all of you that you can begin to be the best version of yourself, and it’s in being the best version of yourself that you can create to your highest potential. So we must always remember to do things in ways that are authentically us. So be yourself, and leave your mark on your family, your friends or your community. Be yourself, and leave your mark on the world. Give light to that special part of you and shine.

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Lilou is a motion graphics designer and a digital fine artist. She’s a creative person and loves to find different ways to express her creativity. She also loves to see people pursuing their passion, whether it’s through their work or as a hobby. So, through Lilou’s blog, “Push + Soar,” she strives to inspire and motivate others to do just that and let them know that on their journey of following their passion, they are not alone. 

[Photo Credit]

Jamie Fleming-Dixon

Jamie Fleming-Dixon is the founder and author of ForColoredGurls.com. Her intention is to empower readers, inspire them to live their most fabulous lives and to motivate them to reach for their dreams and goals. This is done through motivational articles and quotes, interviews with women from all walks of life, posts on topics that affect every area of women's lives and more. For more info about Jamie and FCG, email her at info@forcoloredgurls.com.

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Lately, I’ve become overly aware of little black girls between the ages of six to eleven-years-old. Little black girls with thick, short or long braids. Sometimes, in their hair, they have a dozen rainbow colourful clips or multicolored beads or tiny braids cane-rowed tightly into beautiful masterpieces. Their hair parted four million little ways with heavily greased scalps. They have thick beautiful lips, flat cute noses and soulful big eyes. Their chocolate brown skin glistening, yet often they have forgotten to lotion ashy elbows or knees.

These little black girls remind me of myself. And I look for me in them…search to find myself. When our eyes meet, I smile; if they smile back, I often compliment them on their beautiful hair or tell them what a pretty smile they have. Mostly, they seem shocked that someone has even acknowledged them, much less dared to call them beautiful! And the darker their skin, and the thicker or shorter their hair, the more shocked they seemed that someone has called them beautiful. They coyly look away, and I know that they are questioning if I am indeed telling them the truth. Is it possible? Are they really beautiful?

In their various shapes, sizes and shades that range from cinnamon brown to blue black, I loudly declare and express how beautiful they are. I tell them that they are beautiful because I vividly remember when I was their age how I wanted someone to call me pretty or beautiful. How I ached for someone to just “see” me. How I wanted someone, anyone, to just notice me. That attention, if and when it came, was unwanted because it was from grown men who should have known better than to stare at my budding breasts. I wish that someone would have told them that there was no need to keep their lingering hands on the small of my back for so long. Their hugs seemed to crush my small body, while their probing eyes left my nine-year-old self feeling naked and confused. No amount of baby fat could protect me from these men…

Yet, I was eager to rush out of puberty to lay with men who whispered to me, during unemotional, robotic sex, how beautiful I was. In my own need to be desired, wanted and told that I was beautiful, I stayed in beds that were not safe spaces for me. I stayed in “relationships” that did not feed or nurture me. Showed up more bruises and fragmented than whole, begging for someone to patch me back together — who would do this without asking for my soul in return? Desperately wanting someone to hold all my jagged edges in their hands, hold onto me even if I made them bleed. I was bleeding and needing to be loved.

Thus, I wish I could declare a state of emergency. Little black girls are in need of critical care! Our care! I often wonder why as womyn, and especially black womyn, we cannot see that little black girls need our approval and our attention. Black fathers, do you tell your daughters that they are beautiful? If not, I will warn you, without any doubt, that another man is dying to whisper something in her ear. Our little black girls need to be praised, honoured and admired. They should be told daily that they are beautiful, and if they are given those messages early and often enough, they may start to believe it.

Because if you are told that you beautiful and if you are held with the utmost care, I believe you may not be so eager to jump into bed with the first person who tells you that you are beautiful and that you are loved…

So that is why when I see little black girls, I smile, look at them deeply in their eyes. I want them to know that someone could love them. Love them unconditionally. Love them as they are. Love them safely. My wish for them is that they don’t have to stand in front of a mirror, longing and wishing for lighter skin, a straighter nose and smaller lips.

I want them to know that they don’t have to have “good hair” in order to be valued. I want to hold all their jagged pieces in my hands, to let them know that they are beautiful and loved. I see you…because I see me…

I love you. I love you fiercely because I am learning to love me, and I sometimes ache to gently kiss your ashy elbows and knees.

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trey anthony is an actor/comedian and the acclaimed writer of “da Kink” TV show and hit theatrical play. trey is an established motivational speaker and the founder of Girl Doing BETTER!, a professional virtual, mobile life coaching service for womyn with a special focus on womyn of color. trey is currently accepting clients for the March session; please contact her for more details. For more info, check out www.treyanthnonystudios.com, or to contact trey, please email trey@treyanthonystudios.com. 

[Photo Credit]

Jamie Fleming-Dixon

Jamie Fleming-Dixon is the founder and author of ForColoredGurls.com. Her intention is to empower readers, inspire them to live their most fabulous lives and to motivate them to reach for their dreams and goals. This is done through motivational articles and quotes, interviews with women from all walks of life, posts on topics that affect every area of women's lives and more. For more info about Jamie and FCG, email her at info@forcoloredgurls.com.

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Reality Television. Blogs. Magazines. Facebook. Twitter. We live in a society that is overrun with the details of other people’s lives. And while one could argue that these are all just ways to communicate with the world and stay abreast of the changes that are taking place in the world, a person can also lose themselves in the lives of others. How can this be possible? The constant obsession with the lives of others both stifles our growth and limits our perspectives. You find yourself constantly obsessed with what they are doing, what they are wearing, who is dating who, etc. And in the midst of the obsession, you forget about the most important person: you. What about your life?

What if I told you that you were Unique and that God created you especially the way He wanted you to be? But, you may never realize your own greatness if you are constantly engulfed in the lives of others. You must become the Master of your own environment. You must be the only one that is in control of YOUR life, carefully deciding what you allow in your eye gate and ear gate. It will not be an easy task to look at yourself and your life and eliminate the things that you have been holding on to for so long: the things that you have attached your identity to. However, it must be done in order to free yourself from the strongholds of others’ opinions.

To begin to live the life that you want for yourself, you must first give yourself permission to be free, to be free from others’ opinions and criticisms. Don’t let someone else define for you who you are, what you should look like, what you should wear, what you should purchase, how you should act, etc. No one should have that much power over you and your life. We as humans cannot merely be defined by one or even a few things. We are multi-faceted, ever changing, ever growing and ever evolving.

Define, for yourself, who you are and who you want to become. Decide what you like and what you don’t like, decide what is adding to your life and what is subtracting from it; and those things that are subtracting from your life, it’s time to do away with them.

Everything in life is a flow; energy flows to us and through us. It doesn’t need our approval. All we really need to do is open the gates and get out of the way. After you decide to be free from the stigmas others have attached to you, it is time for the next, most critical step: deciding who you are. There is no time limit on this step because it requires honest self-assessment. You will learn things about yourself, good and bad, but don’t be discouraged by the bad; use it to propel yourself to who you want to be. Open yourself to receive the blessings that have been there waiting for you all along.

[Photo Credit]

Nikia Pope

Nikia Pope is a 23-year-old recent graduate of Tuskegee University, where she obtained degrees in political science and psychology. She is currently pursuing her Master's in Public Health all while pursuing her passion of writing in hopes of inspiring other young black women to pursue their purpose in life. Check out Nikia's blog, Created2Reign (createdtoreign.blogspot.com) and her tumblr, Idesire2inspire (idesire2inspire.tumblr.com). She can be reached at popenikia@gmail.com; feel free to reach out to her-- she craves human interaction.

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The new year will be here in just a few short days! And if you didn’t know, setting goals is important because they help you reach the dreams you have in your life. So, with that said, here are a few tips to help you set awesome goals for 2012:

1. Make them reasonable. You want your goals to be achievable and specific so that they are motivating. For example, one of your goals may be to earn more money in your business. However, it’s not enough for the goal to be just “make more money;” it’s more effective to have a specific number: $20,000, $50,000, etc.
2. Write them down. Doing this makes your goals concrete and helps them stick. If you try to just remember your goals in your mind, you’ll likely forget what some of them were. So, write a post on your blog (if you have one), or keep a journal so you can always look back and see what your goals are.
3. Share your goals with other people. This helps you become accountable, and like writing them down, sharing your goals can reinforce the goals in your mind. Talk with a close friend or family member about your goals, and be sure to share your progress with them throughout the year. These individuals can help you stay focused, regain focus if you lose it and encourage you through the rough times.
4. Create an action plan. When you’ve figured out your goals, you must create a plan to achieve them. Keep that old saying in mind: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”
5. Evaluate your goals regularly. Take some time, maybe monthly, to see what progress you’re making with your goals. Seeing yourself moving towards goal achievement can be very motivating; however, you might not see that you’re actually progressing if you don’t review them: The progress you’ve made will likely have happened in small steps, which means it won’t necessarily be obvious. That’s why it’s important to review your goals regularly.
6. Be flexible. Sometimes, life can get in the way of a goal and make it unattainable. If this happens, be flexible enough to know when you need to create a new goal. And when you start the new goal, forget about the old one and work on making the new one a reality!

Do you have any tips for setting goals for the new year? Please share below!

[Source, Photo Credit]

Jamie Fleming-Dixon

Jamie Fleming-Dixon is the founder and author of ForColoredGurls.com. Her intention is to empower readers, inspire them to live their most fabulous lives and to motivate them to reach for their dreams and goals. This is done through motivational articles and quotes, interviews with women from all walks of life, posts on topics that affect every area of women's lives and more. For more info about Jamie and FCG, email her at info@forcoloredgurls.com.

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When you open your eyes in the morning, is your heart filled with hopefulness or hopelessness? The reason I ask this question is because how you awaken every day sets the precedent for all that is to come your way. We are afforded an opportunity to showcase our dreams, skills and a winning attitude each time the sun rises to greet us. It takes creative insight to make every moment our masterpiece.

I am reminded of Job and his response to his wife during a season of hardship in Job 2:10: “You speak as one of the impious and foolish women would speak. What? Shall we accept [only] good at the hand of God and shall we not accept [also] misfortune and what is of a bad nature? In [spite of] all this, Job did not sin with his lips.”

In life, we will be extended a buffet of experiences. We know naturally we don’t crave cauliflower over candy, yet we need the nutritional value that is derived from our vegetables. The disappointments of life are our spiritual vegetables; if you desire to be strong and healthy, you must partake in them.

Many individuals are carrying more than one dream in their hearts and have endured countless opposition while waiting for their arrival. One of my personal dream quotes that I hold dear was coined by First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt: “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” It is easy to let go of a dream, but it takes courage, tenacity and unyielding resolve of the will to hold on to that which seems impossible.

Have you placed your dreams on the shelf? Have you lost hope? Have you thrown in the towel? Are you afraid to take a leap of faith due to a fear of what happened before and what could happen if you dare, decide and do? Are you aware that one of the best ways to overcome the fear of failure is by having the unrelenting audacity to dream BIGGER AND BRIGHTER in the midst of dark grey skies and tear-filled eyes?

I challenge you to forget about the pain of yesterday that has stained the hope-filled blueprint of tomorrow. Take out a brand new sheet of paper, and pen again the vision of your heart.

It is time to focus on extracting treasures from the turmoil, and pick up the tulips from your trouble with confidence in knowing you can walk with your head held high in triumph in spite of trauma and travesty.

Lastly, I dare you to dream, I dare you to soar, I dare you to go where no one’s gone before! I dare you to rise, I dare you to shine, I dare you to reach beyond the skies. I dare you to live, I dare you to hope. I dare you to allow your greatness to explode. I dare you to believe until you achieve!

[Photo Credit]

Kristie Kennedy

Kristie Kennedy is a visionary leader who operates in a multiplicity of gifts with a passion for beauty, business and fashion. Recently crowned the 2010 American Image National Woman, she is a Licensed Esthetician/Beauty Advisor (Aveda Beauty Institute), makeup artist/educator for Larenim Cosmetics, former makeup artist/educator for Mirabella Cosmetics, songwriter, poetess, recording artist, author, jewelry designer, fashion model, national spokesmodel for fibroid tumors and modeling instructor. She is a daring woman and is unafraid to take calculated risks. Her gift of inspiration brings a pure delight to anyone she meets. Ms. Kennedy believes it is essential to remain steadfast, unmovable and always abounding in the work that is set before you in order to achieve lasting success. Get more information about Kristie on her website, www.kristiekennedy.com.

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Although you may want to get your loved ones great gifts for Christmas, you may not have the funds to do so. Fortunately, there are gifts you can give that cost absolutely nothing. Here are four:

1. Be a personal instructor. Didn’t have the money to get that new digital camera for your mom? Well, you can show her how to use one like a pro, which is something useful. Other useful “gift” skills you can teach include cooking, sewing or computer use.
2. “Say cheese.” Most people love photos, especially ones of their family and friends. So, take a pic, and create a cute frame from crafty items you already have. They’re sure to love it.
3. Be a laborer for a day. If you don’t have specific skills you can teach, offer yourself as hired help. For instance, if you live in a colder area, offer to shovel snow from the receiver’s driveway; and if you live in a warmer climate, tend the garden or mow the lawn. Or, if the recipient prefers, clean her home or help with small remodeling projects.
4. Make the Web smaller. Know someone who loves doing craft projects but isn’t savvy with the Internet? Research helpful blogs and websites, and create her a Google Reader account with places you know she’ll enjoy.

For three more tips, check out our source, Ways to Give a Gift Without Spending a Dime.

Do you have any cost-free gift ideas? Please share below!

Jamie Fleming-Dixon

Jamie Fleming-Dixon is the founder and author of ForColoredGurls.com. Her intention is to empower readers, inspire them to live their most fabulous lives and to motivate them to reach for their dreams and goals. This is done through motivational articles and quotes, interviews with women from all walks of life, posts on topics that affect every area of women's lives and more. For more info about Jamie and FCG, email her at info@forcoloredgurls.com.

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Well y’all, we’re almost at the end of 2011. This is the time where many of us begin thinking about the things we want to do and goals we want to accomplish in the new year. While a lot of people will merely think about this and then jump into 2012 with no real plan, I think it’s important start planning early — like now. With that said, here are some tips to help you get ready to make 2012 your most fabulous year ever:

1. Clean and purge. This includes in your home, work space and your life: Out with the old, and in with the new. Declutter your home by getting rid of old papers, receipts, etc. you don’t need any more and organizing your remaining papers and other items. If you have clothes that you don’t wear or need any longer, pack them up and donate them to a local nonprofit. When it comes to decluttering your life, start making changes now to end those not-so-great habits (i.e., negative thinking, procrastination, complaining, etc.). And if there are toxic people in your life, either get rid of them or keep them at a distance. You have to get rid of all the crap so you can allow more goodness to come into your life.

2. Set your goals. Determine what goals you want to achieve next year. I find that it helps if you first break your life down into the categories you want to work on:

• - Career/Business
• - Finances
• - Relationships (romantic, friendships and/or family)
• - Spiritual/Personal
• - Health/Wellness

Once you do that, you can start creating your goals for each category. Two things to keep in mind: 1) Make sure your goals are S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely); and 2) Don’t go crazy, making a whole bunch of goals for each category. If you do, you’ll probably end up overwhelming yourself and quitting. When you determine what you want to achieve, write it down. This will help you stay focused on your journey and be a constant reminder of where you’re trying to go.

3. Formulate an action plan. Having goals is great, but they mean nothing without action behind them. This is where the action plan comes in. For each of your goals, you need some sort of strategy to achieve it. For example, say your goal is to get in shape. Your action plan may include switching from ground beef to turkey, drinking more water, hitting the gym four days a week and incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your diet.

4. Create affirmations and a vision board. In addition to the affirmations you already use, it’s a good idea to make some that are specifically related to your goals; being positive and specific allows you to get that much closer to your goals and desires. So, for instance, if you want to start making money through blogging next year, one of your affirmations could be, “I earn $300 through my blog each month.”

I’ve written a couple of posts about creating vision boards (here and here); I think they’re important because they bring your vision to life (so to speak), and they keep your vision in front of you constantly, helping you stay focused and encouraged.

As you prepare for the new year, remember this: “The secret to getting ahead is getting started. The secret to getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks and then starting on the first one.” - Mark Twain 

What are some ways you’re preparing for 2012? Please share by leaving a comment!

[Photo Credit]

Jamie Fleming-Dixon

Jamie Fleming-Dixon is the founder and author of ForColoredGurls.com. Her intention is to empower readers, inspire them to live their most fabulous lives and to motivate them to reach for their dreams and goals. This is done through motivational articles and quotes, interviews with women from all walks of life, posts on topics that affect every area of women's lives and more. For more info about Jamie and FCG, email her at info@forcoloredgurls.com.

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Life can be demanding and unpredictable at times and to really appreciate what the world has to offer, sometimes, you have to give yourself a mental boost. Whether your over-exhausted and things seem worse than they are or you know what you want to do but need to push yourself to get there, it’s important to place a strong emphasis on your mind and replenish your thoughts so you can get the most out of life.

Here are some tips to help you change your way of thinking so you can be a more productive person from writer Christie Maillet:

1. You’re the one who has to brush away whatever is unproductive and hindering. You are you, and nobody but you can be the instigator when it comes to changing your thought patterns. Although people might try to help, you’re the only person who can push yourself mentally. So, constantly remind yourself what’s most important in your life. You may also need to reorganize yourself and get any negative energy out of  your inner circle. Finally, think about your highest priority, and do it!
2. Have a strong circle around you to help you get your mind right. Changing what won’t help you in the future is a sign of strength, particularly if you have people assuring you that you can do it. Don’t push away from the positive people who could shape how you think. People will appreciate and respect you for your endeavor to change, so be sure to make the most of outside resources.
3. Renew your options. Give yourself many ways to think so you can make the most out of what you have. There’s always more than one solution to a problem. If you’re not sure how to move forward with changing your thinking, ask a loved one and try to come up with a solution together.
4. Tighten up your thoughts. Feeling like you’re just repeating the same old things in your head? Make yourself think them one time, then see yourself putting them in a bottle. Figuratively toss the bottle in the ocean, and move toward more productive thoughts. Think about what’s most important, and push everything else out of your mind. Although this may be a little difficult, once you realize that you control what you think, it’s easier to curb the unproductive thoughts.
5. Don’t focus on the negative. “Unproductive” thoughts are usually the negative ones that pop up and don’t leave. So, push those thoughts aside for the positive and productive ones that move you forward. One of life’s most important lessons is learning to control how you think; it strengthens you and helps you move ahead.
6. Think of your mind as a harbor. (An anecdote from “Eat. Pray. Love.”). Your “self” is an island in the midst of your mind, and your thoughts are the ships that come close to the harbor. You can decide which ideas and thoughts can come near your island. When you consciously make yourself the “ruler” of your mind, you can become the commander of the ships that go through it.

Always remember that you are in control of yourself and your mind. You can overcome anything if you have the will to do so!

[Source; Photo Credit]

Jamie Fleming-Dixon

Jamie Fleming-Dixon is the founder and author of ForColoredGurls.com. Her intention is to empower readers, inspire them to live their most fabulous lives and to motivate them to reach for their dreams and goals. This is done through motivational articles and quotes, interviews with women from all walks of life, posts on topics that affect every area of women's lives and more. For more info about Jamie and FCG, email her at info@forcoloredgurls.com.

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One of the deceptions that I embraced about beauty was that long hair was a qualifying characteristic. If I did not believe this false notion, I would not have had an envious disposition towards my cousin whose hair was longer than mine. There were times when she would visit, and my mother put the straightening comb to her hair, which made it extend further in length. To add insult to injury, she had the audacity to put my hair bows in her head. Talk about a blood boiling hissy fit!

This is a primary example of getting to the root of faulty belief systems that have us constantly comparing our beauty against another’s. Sophia Loren poignantly stated, “Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” A power untouchable is released when you know, without a shadow of doubt, that you are beautiful with or without any disposable attachments, beauty enhancements such as false eye lashes, hair extensions, plastic surgery, artificial nails, Botox injections, and the list goes on and on…

Only when we utilize tools of beautification in the proper context will we be able to walk with a new freedom to showcase our best selves. The internal struggle and disconnection occurs not when we possess new things but when enhancements produce a false sense of beauty, which breeds new insecurities.

The question that you must ask yourself is, “Do I really believe that I am beautiful, flaws and all?” Only you can answer that question. If you feel that the answer is “yes,” You GO, girl! If you feel the answer is “no,” then you GROW, girl. Search within and tell yourself every day that you are beautiful until you believe it in the depths of your bones!

Beauty Affirmations:

• – I am a beautiful being in my own unique way.
• – The more beautiful my thoughts, the more beautiful I look and feel.
• – I am a beautiful person, inside and out.
• – I am growing more beautiful and radiant every day.
• – My radiant smile highlights my natural beauty.

[Photo Credit]

Kristie Kennedy

Kristie Kennedy is a visionary leader who operates in a multiplicity of gifts with a passion for beauty, business and fashion. Recently crowned the 2010 American Image National Woman, she is a Licensed Esthetician/Beauty Advisor (Aveda Beauty Institute), makeup artist/educator for Larenim Cosmetics, former makeup artist/educator for Mirabella Cosmetics, songwriter, poetess, recording artist, author, jewelry designer, fashion model, national spokesmodel for fibroid tumors and modeling instructor. She is a daring woman and is unafraid to take calculated risks. Her gift of inspiration brings a pure delight to anyone she meets. Ms. Kennedy believes it is essential to remain steadfast, unmovable and always abounding in the work that is set before you in order to achieve lasting success. Get more information about Kristie on her website, www.kristiekennedy.com.

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While many people are excited about the holiday season being in full swing, you may not feel as cheerful as your loved ones. And if you are experiencing money or personal issues, that can dampen your spirits even more.

Jamie Fleming-Dixon

Jamie Fleming-Dixon is the founder and author of ForColoredGurls.com. Her intention is to empower readers, inspire them to live their most fabulous lives and to motivate them to reach for their dreams and goals. This is done through motivational articles and quotes, interviews with women from all walks of life, posts on topics that affect every area of women's lives and more. For more info about Jamie and FCG, email her at info@forcoloredgurls.com.

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