Destiny's Child sang about being Independent Women back in 2000
I was reading an article on Clutch Magazine, I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T: Do We Know What That Means? about what it means to be an independent woman. As you probably know, this is a title that many women (especially black women) wear proudly– you may be one of them. But what does it mean? This question is addressed in the article, and I have wondered the same thing.
In the piece, the author, Shahida Muhammad, gives the definition of independent from Merriam-Webster: “not dependent; not subject to control by others; not requiring or relying on something else…” Obviously, no one is completely independent (we’re all interdependent, relying on people and things for what we want and need), but I digress…
Shahida goes on to introduce a woman SPARKWISDOM who shares her views on independent women in a YouTube video, “The Deception of the Independent Woman”:
I really feel like we are decieved sometimes as women…there is a deception in independence. I am an independent woman…Do I get this big pat on the back because I’m independent? I am an adult. Adults are supposed to be independent. You’re suppose to have your own place to stay; your own vehicle…as a woman, I’m supposed to be able to keep my own hair done, nails done– I’m supposed to be able to do for myself…I don’t think you get extra kudos for being an adult or being responsible. That’s what adults are supposed to do.
I totally agree with her. It seems like people nowadays want accolades for doing anything they’re supposed to be doing. If you’re being a responsible adult, you’re doing what adults should do. To me, it’s kind of like a ‘babby’s daddy’ doing things for their children and getting all kinds of praise for it. I mean, as a parent, your supposed to do things with and for your kids so why should you get a pat on the back for doing something?
The article goes on to mention independence in regards to men. SPARKWISDOM says:
I think there is this deception of “I’m independent. I’m a strong woman.” I think there’s a syndrome behind that where women are like, “I’m so strong, I don’t need a man.” And I think that frankly women, in most regards, do need a man, and they want a man. Yet society has taught us to [say] we don’t.
I do agree that society has instilled in us to say and even believe that we don’t (or shouldn’t) want (need) a man; it’s like a sign of weakness if you say you do. I don’t know about that whole “women, in most regards, do need a man..” thing though. When I think of the word “need,” I think of something that’s a necessity, something I literally cannot live without. Like, I need water; if I stop drinking it, I’ll die. So in that context, no, I don’t think a woman needs a man.
I decided to look up the definition of “need” on Merriam-Webster, and one definition given is “a lack of something requisite, desirable or useful.” I guess if you use this definition, it could be a need. And just for the record, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting love and a significant other.
Shahida concludes the article by saying that while we all have the right to define ourselves on our own terms, we shouldn’t do so blindly. I totally agree.
What do ya’ll think? What does being an independent woman mean to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this so leave a comment!
Photo from: thedivatalkshop
How timely this article is because I was just battling with this same notion this morning. I read something about my horoscope and in the index was a description of my sign (Pisces) which stated that I am sensitive (true), intuitive (true), loyal (true) and dependent… (wait a minute)! I thought to myself at first glance that the description of dependent was definitely not me! I am a young woman under 30 with a professional career, a master’s degree, my own business, twins and a husband. Plus I try to do it all with style! That’s nothing but independent right? But then I thought about it and it occurred to me that I would not be able to do much of what I do without the support of my husband, my family, my staff and the list goes on.
So like you said in the article, I may not feel completely dependent but independent I am not. I am inter-dependent in every aspect of the word. Just as people rely on my, I fully rely on them. My husband and I are constantly passing the baton in and out of the house to be with the kids when one of us has a meeting or an event to go to. It’s a juggling act to say the least and I am fortunate to have a man in my life that loves me, our kids and works to better our lives everyday. By his side I carry out these same goals and we are partners in life. I am happy not to be an independent woman fighting the world on my own.
Great article, and I think it will touch women in our generation the right way!
I agree that as adults we should all strive to self sufficient. It shouldn’t matter what gender you are. That said, in my past relationships and in my marriage I had to relearn what it means to be “interdependant”. I kept things from my husband & wouldn’t allow him to help me because I was so used to doing everything on my own. I had to relearn how to rely on him, trust him, and (breathe) let him lead. I was raised to do for myself & now I struggle to find my balance.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Chineze Butler, Jamie Fleming . Jamie Fleming said: *Latest post on fcg: Independent Women?* I'd love to hear your thoughts on this so read & comment!… http://fb.me/DO0ZdzEz [...]
I feel like the whole concept of the “Independent Woman” was birthed out of fear. It’s become a security blanket for a lot of women. They’ve seen their Mothers, Sisters, Daughters and Aunts done wrong by a lot of men. And these women told them time and time again…”Don’t depend on a man.” A lot of women declare they’re independent out of pure fear. It’s kind of like a warning: “Hey, if you decide to get “froggy” on me, I’ll be just fine. I didn’t need you anyway…” I just feel like that’s such a negative way of looking at life and relationships in general. It’s the breeding ground for an attitude of distrust.
A question that comes to mind for me is context of the word “dependent.” I agree that we are all interdependent on one another for something. I believe we want fellowship outside of ourselves, but also need alone time for ourselves. I feel like women of color automatically view this as not needing a man for material things. Today’s society seems to always have other races coupled up with male & female, but “African American” females are portrayed as the trusty side kick, the single chick with too much attitude to be desirable, or too hot to trot. I agree that, as adults, we absolutely ought take care of ourselves and what we create. However, I do want to inject the thought process that has been force fed to us: big car, big apartment/condo, labels mean success… what about love, family, fellowship, positive feelings of self-worth? Maybe we would learn that being dependent isn’t a bad thing.