My dream engagement ring...
Since I was on the topic of weddings the other day on Facebook (from watching Say Yes to the Dress), this week’s question is kind of about marriage.
The question is: How long would you wait for your signifcant other to propose to you or begin the marriage talk? Do you have a timeframe in which he must propose (i.e., if you guys aren’t enagaged after two years, you’re leaving)?
I do understand that regardless of how long you’ve been together, your S.O. may not be prepared (financially, career-wise, etc.) to propose to you, and he may really want to marry you. Or you may feel like you want to marry the person, but that you’re too young or something. I do think, though, the topic should come up if he wants to marry you at all…anyway, let me know what you think!
Photo from: jewelryandwatches.name
It sort of amazes me that at the end of 2009, women are still hanging around begging for marriage proposals. Hear me out, please. In a world where a woman can make 2-3 times as much money as a man, hold more advanced degrees, buy her own house and car… why does she need to wait for a man to ask her to marry him? Why can’t she also propose to him?
In addition, to set a time frame for marriage is fine. However, she needs to make sure that her partner knows this plan upfront. Just as she may have started planning her dream wedding when she was 6, he may have lifelong plans that he wants to complete BEFORE getting hitched. Marriage needs to be discussed openly by both parties so that there are no surprises.
I waited several years (6-7) before we even talked about marriage & then it took another 5 years or so before we did get married. I didn’t feel as if I was waiting as I was living/enjoying my life, enjoying our relationship & really getting to know him as well as myself. I never thought about or dreamed of getting married so there wasn’t a preset timeline. Since there wasn’t any preset timeline, there wasn’t any stress placed on the relationship. Plus I didn’t let anyone stress me about getting married.
I look at marriage like getting a college degree. It took me four years to get a BS. I need at least four years to graduate with a MRS. I’m not about to fast track or rush one of the biggest decisions ever. People often rush into marriage and then they’re rushing to divorce.
Also, your fiancee should be one of your best friend. All my best friends had to work to get to that title. It was earned over a course of knowing me. I have known my two bffs for at least five years. I won’t expect anything less from someone I want to marry.
@Sumayyah- I get what you’re saying, and I think if a woman wants to propose then, hey, go for it. If you’re in a serious relationship and both of you agree that you want to marry each other, I don’t think it’s hanging around and ‘begging.’ I guess I’m a little old-fashioned/traditional when it comes to this. And I definitely agree with you about letting your partner know about the time frame; and I agree that marriage should be discussed openly.
@Dawn- Like you, I don’t feel as if I’m waiting either. My bf and I have discussed marriage, and we have decided that we want to wait until we are more stable. I never really thought about marriage seriously (at one point, I didn’t think I would get hitched) until now. And with the timeline, it was more like if we’re in a serious relationship and we are not on the same page about marriage in like 2-3 years, we shouldn’t be together…
@Toni-I like your best friend analogy. Great point!